Things just might not get better

You tell me that you’re feeling blue, your bad luck’s got you down
Well here’s a special thought for you to make you smile not frown
You’re worried that you never seem to have a lucky day
I’ve had the same experience so trust me when I say

Oh things just might not get better, in fact they could get worse
Your luck could stay this bad until they chuck you in the hearse
It’s no use getting frantic, no need to bear a grudge
Just smile and say it’s here to stay, my losing streak won’t budge

When your diet’s going badly and obesity sets in
You’ve got more chance of growing wings than growing sleek and slim
There’s junk food and confectionary waiting for your jaws
Just wear a tent and move home to a house with bigger doors

Chorus

When that speeding camera snaps you doing 80 miles per hour
You know they’ve got your number and they have you in their power
It’s pointless to resist it, don’t bother to complain
Just ask for an enlargement so your photo can be framed

Chorus

When you wake up in a police cell and your head is slightly sore
And you know you must be drunk because you’re climbing up the floor
Don’t loose your self composure though your guilt is plainly clear
Just tell the magistrate you have an allergy to beer

Chorus

When you come back home from holiday and find you’ve had a leak
You phone your plumber and he says “I’ll be straight round, next week”
Your furniture is ruined and you’ve got a soggy bed
Just close the doors and windows make a swimming pool instead

Chorus

When you find the lodger in your bed cavorting with your misses
Just sneak out to the garden shed and leave them to their kisses
Then rush in unexpectedly and never mind their tears
Give the lodger a vasectomy with rusty garden shears

Chorus

All rights reserved Chris Flegg 2005